Rape

I held hands with the devil today
I don’t know what else to say.

Change is that shadow that hangs over my heart, influencing every concept I take in. Making me crave a bland, uneventful life instead of having to taste beauty and then abruptly losing it. I am constant, I am consistent and I cant stand the idea of being any different. My prayers are habitual, I do it because I always have and I fear the result of silence. Every piece of shit human that I get hooked on is simply caused by my fear of loneliness, my fear of the result of losing a person. My heart becomes tough, stuck pumping blood through one direction valves with no way to change its path. Being forever angry at so many, I’m scared to release my resentment and take in peace because that’s change. I think I am a failure for not being able to adapt to the new, adaptation to change is evolution, a trait that I didn’t inherit.

I found it
That feeling
That thing
Oh baby, You showed me
How real it could be
A beautiful side to connection
I’ve never ventured in this direction
I never knew this existed
Or the other’s I would have resisted
I thought conventional was boring
But I feel like I’m soaring
I won’t forget not to get to close
No matter how perfect it goes
No matter how loaded your kisses are
No matter how beautifully you view the stars
I can’t forget the other’s, my past
I’m sorry you got to me last
I live alone, out of fear
You have big hands my dear
You could easily borrow my heart
And contort it into your own form of art
Then give it back to me
No sign of it’s history
Worthless
Full of sadness
But I’ll enjoy this until I break it too
You wouldnt be able to fix it with a gallon of glue
It’s just what I know how to do
You’ll be like me, misshapen and bent
Scared of brokeness, indifferent towards affection
Its an infection
I’ve learned it from more than one
One taste of me and you’ll run
They always do hun
So taste me
So waste Me